Honor One's Own
by MsAdler583
Summary: A journal entry from Spock's logs in Star Fleet when he realizes how thin the line is from Earth and Vulcan.


A/N: I did not create Star Trek. I love Roddenberry and Nimoy and all those who contributed to the creation of the Vulcan culture which is one of the most fascinating species of aliens ever created. Enjoy!

Journal Log

Starfleet Academy

I find myself in a disorder of schedule today. Classes have all been cancelled due to the day being the first day humans made contact with another species. There are arranged celebrations of commemoration for the day that humans believed themselves to advance to another degree of higher knowledge. While I understand this to be true, I must point out the illogic of celebrating when I am the only Vulcan currently in Star Fleet. It seems they are eager to congratulate themselves on something they have not yet fully achieved.

Human behavior, however, will always elude me as I have lived with a human my whole life and am still confused by the origins of their thoughts. There was a customary "dance" last night in honor of Zephram Cochrane. I see no correlation between a man creating warp drive technology and young members of Star Fleet gyrating their bodies to music, but the connection seems quite obvious to my human counterparts. I was in fact invited to the dance under the pretense that before there would be a lecture on the model of warp drive Cochrane first created.

As I arrived, I found this not to be so, which the other students found quite funny. Zenna approached me with a smile and asked me to dance with her instead of worrying about stupid lectures. This confused me even further. It was illogical to assume I was worried about a lecture and it was equally illogical for her to refer to the lecture as stupid. I could see her apparent happiness, though, and agreed to do my best to dance with her.

The attempt was rather futile. Vulcans have particular customary rituals that involve dance, but it would be irreverent to evoke these dances in something uninvolved with the ritual or custom. Additionally, I did not see the benefit of moving around like the other cadets did, standing far too close to one another. After one dance, I thanked Zenna for the chance to "get down with her" and I left.

I may speak freely in saying I was relieved to be out of the building and into the air outside, even if it was far too cold. I have yet to grow accustomed to the frigid temperatures of Earth. I left Star Fleet Academy, walking towards the Vulcan Embassy. I was aware of the coming events for Star Fleet Academy and was curious to know if the Vulcan Embassy had any events planned as well to correlate with the Earth celebration. The day is not regarded in Vulcan culture as anything of importance.

There were Vulcans inside, still working, though the hour was later than I had expected them to be working. On Earth, many businesses close at a certain hour.

I was greeted formally though somewhat suspiciously due to my Star Fleet uniform. I had forgotten I was wearing it. I was shown up to T'Pan's office, where she conducts affairs for Vulcans living on Earth.

"Is there something I can do for you, Spock?" she asked from her desk.

"I had an inquiry," I said solemnly.

"State your question."

"They have cancelled regular functions at Star Fleet Academy for the honoring of Zephram Cochrane's first voyage into space and the contact he made with Vulcans."

"I am aware," she said sternly.

"Is there some observance to be held at the Vulcan Embassy?"

"We are too busy, Spock, to hold such inane recognitions. There will be Vulcans present at the ceremony tomorrow at Star Fleet Academy and I suggest you attend that. Your father will be in attendance. Other than that, we see no purpose in commemorating such an occasion."

"I thank you for your time, T'Pan."

"Peace and long life Spock," she said as she turned back to the padd on her desk.

I left the Embassy to return to my quarters in equal disarray as I had left them. This inner confusion I feel now and have felt for some time is occupying too much space in my mind. Though I have spent time in meditation regarding these thoughts, I cannot seem to rid myself of them. Hearing this today makes me feel as though I am not an equal member of both my home worlds. On Earth, I do not fit in as I should. I find no pleasure in the things other cadets do no matter how much I try to mimic their actions. Equally, when I approach the only other Vulcans in this society, I feel as though I do not match up to their standards of excellence. I am trapped between both, finding a home nowhere.

I must also question the wisdom of attending the events tomorrow, knowing my father will be present. We have not spoken since my leaving Vulcan after heated words and unseemly emotionalism. The thought presented itself that this could be the moment to heal those wounds in whatever way needed, but I admit I am not sure that is wise. I realize the human side of me emerges when I find the desire to speak first with my mother on this subject. She would know how best to approach a Vulcan without angering him first.

I can neither speak to my mother nor my father at the moment. Both ideas give me a surge of emotion that I must learn to deal with. There are times I wish there was another Vulcan I could speak freely with. But that time soon passes.

I have begun a schedule of studying and experiments that should fill the empty time of my day. I regret not being able to take the test in Physics as I was fully prepared for tomorrow. I have heard the other cadets excitedly talking about getting a break, whereas I am pleased to have the time for extra reading. It might even be possible for me to finish the weaving I began back on Vulcan. Perhaps in my own way, I can honor both of my cultures tomorrow in the only way I know how.


End file.
